Sunday, December 23, 2007

choon ngee's birthday was quite fun. met up with cn, swen, and lyn at jp. went to harbourfront and met up with jovee, hanrui, shu mei, xueer, and kokhow. walked from beach station to rasa sentosa hotel's Barnacles for dinner. swen lyn and i ordered seafood sensation which costed 105bucks withou any staple food. LOL. no choice, the things there are too exp and poor people from huayi had no penny to eat. however, the food there is really nice. but too exp. total bill added up to $516.70. and yes, SWENSEN STILL OWE ME 20 BUCKS!! hahaha. oh ya, met up with jasper there.

after barnacles, we went to clarke quay and there we met up with weitek and alvin. to my own dis-belief, we actually went to gotham penthouse. which is a club/pun where older or more mature ladies are there to know more mature guys. to our shock, there is actually a daily male stripping show at 12am and 2am. DAMN, polluted my innocent and pure mind. anw, i strongly advise young poeple not to go to that place as it's free porn everywhere. hahaha. i dun really like the place actually. people, place, music.. sorry! hahaha. there, was where, the 18 year old choon ngee got really HIGH and crazy. he only drank tiger, 2/3 tequilla shots, 2/3 vodka, 1 pop, i think. jasper had a weird interest = like to make and see people drunk -.- he sabo-ed the birthday boy of cus. cn was really high and started to dance ard like chinese medium =x he actually went down to the almost-empty dancefloor to dance himself to TECHNO songs played. classic man. hahaha. and yes, he kept taking photos with everyone. and keep niam-ing. wtf -.- luckily not too overbroad, if not, i slap him already. LOL

went to jetbar. jasper foot the bill. cn was forced to drink one sip of chivas on the rock, but before that, he already puked. puked on the floor like the merlion before the waitress there give him the big trash bag. hahhaa. he got his puking partner there, alvin. puked and slept all the way.

bak kut teh after that. i admit i was already abit TIPSY la. i didnt eat and was sleepy already. hahaha. i think i drank more than wat i did on my birthday. from gotham to jetbar, i lost count on how many cups i drank. i seriously think i drink more than cn. LOL. tequilla shotsssss, vodka sprites, beer, chivas with greenteasssssss. all thanks to the games we played and all the cheers-ing la. hahaha. never mind, happy can already.

6plus in the morning, walked back to clark quay and took train home. reached home, bathed, changed, went out with mummy, came back, went to jp, and slept at 3am. i didnt get to sleep for like, days? night beofre zouk slept at 3plus, night after zouk slept at 3plus, and then no-sleep. call me superwoman. hahha. anw, mum bought me a really good xmas present, she bought me k770i. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS MUMMY!!! see, i dun love my mummy only when she buys me things, i love her always, this love is definitely deeper than bgr love. hahhaa. basically the phone is the same as k800. just that it is slimmer, and no flash, only light. but it's ok. hahaa. it's better than my w660i. THANK YOU MUMMY!!!!

today went to bbdc for FTL 1.01 and 1.02. 1.01, saw ruixing, hahaha. but i didnt go forward to talk to him, i scared he dunno who i am. LOL. sorry, i'm so low self confident one. i'm not dao. then after that, met up with weijian, the ah beng for 1.02. so bored. was only half awake then. then edwin came to enroll. after that, went to westmall to eat. then, homed, while they go for haircut. love the feeling of meeting ups with old frens. provided that the feeling is still almost the same. hahhaa. holidays are time to meet up with frens and chill, loves.

i'm sorry my class, i couldnt make it for the fun-filled bbq. you all sure enjoyed.

meeting up with classmates tmr for movie and steamboat. then after that homed. no countdown, dun even think i'll see the xmas eve night tmr. actually weijian they all got meet up for tmr, but i'm like so outta place la. dunno the people there, well. it's will be disturbing for them to spend their xmas eve with a person they dunno well too. sadded.

xmas is just another day for me..

Thursday, December 20, 2007

happy birthday to choon ngee!!! 18th birthday, you happy can already la!!

later meeting them to barnacles or vivo to eat. after that pub/club.

i want to talk to you. but i dunno wat to talk about and what to start with. you came to talk, i was shocked, happy and overjoyed. i tot and hope that everything will turn out fine or better. best as it can be, i hope everything can start all over again. but it seems not to. it's not the same anymore. we used to talk everything under the sun happily and enjoy each other's pressence. i dunno why, why cant we talk like we used to? is it because i know you too much? or your expiry period for each girl is no longer than two months? we are like having a war everytime we talk now. i detest this feeling. i'm no longer sure wat are we. we are close frens, best frens, frens, acquaintances, or worse, strangers. i always treat you differently like never before. you were once so impt in my life, now still. how did you treat me? have you tot of this question? dun make use of me, that will make me hate you. i dun like this feeling. or is this the end of everything? can i say i dun want to have this ending? do i have a choice, you tell me. you came and went, came back and went. many times. wat do you expect me to do? there are times when i really wanna tell you how i feel towards you. cuz i really wanna know how you feel. but you are just doing wat you usually do, enjoying it, and all i can do is to shut up and get outta of ur life to prevent me from disrupting. why am i so stupid and stuck right here? i've been shutting up and hiding in some corner and see wat you do for so many months already. many times i gave up, but you came back and once again, i fell. why do i land myself in this deep shit. the year is passing, am i going to bring this forward to the next year?

it's broken. it broke accidentally. not on purpose. it fell on the floor and broke into pieces. but the main thing is still there. does this resemble something? it's broken afterall right? i dunno if you still keep the thing. but when i saw it the other time, which was months ago, when things were real fine, i'm more than happy. now... i wish i can stop thinking about it. i'm sorry, but i think i love you.
mylove;onemissingpiece
got this link from swen's blog. LOL. i want number 7!!

***You Are 1: The Reformer***

You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.
You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.You have uncompromising integrity, and people expect you to be fair.
At Your Best: You are hopeful, honest, and inspiring. You bring out the best in humanity.
At Your Worst: You are intolerant, judgmental, and picky.
Your Fixation: Resentment
Your Primary Fear: Being corrupt.
Your Primary Desire: To be good.
Other Number 1's: Al Gore, Martha Stewart, Gandhi, Celene Dion, and Spock from Star Trek.
What Number Are You?http://www.blogthings.com/whatnumberareyouquiz/
yesterday went to zouk with shirlyn and her cousins. stressed out. they are all so pretty. all in their blood and not forgetting the 'looked-dao' genes. hahaha. met up with the very pretty yvonne and lyn at je first before we proceed to far east to meet yvonne's sister, gina, and her boyfren. another cousin who just came back from australia, geraldine, came and met us. after that gina's boyfren overloaded us in his car. i'm so sorry, if i hadnt gone, it would not be so squeezy. i could have gone to club with jacqueline or khay mar. luckily he was not booked, if not, i will be guilty like dunno wat now. went to food center near zouk and just beside boys brigade to eat kway chap. nice!

went to zouk and the queue is already long. it's only 8.30pm then. it opens at 9pm. and they charged 20bucks for cover charges. everywhere is the same i guess. we went in and it's still very empty actually. at least you dun have to literally squeeze to walk to the bar. yvonne, lyn and i drank tequilla shots first. not bad. quite hot. LOL. then we were like hanging around the main arena. then went to phuture, so empty still. until its bout 10+pm, the people started to 'pile up' LOL. not surprised by the number of people who went there ytd cus today is a public holiday. and the rest of the night was spent squeezing thru and dancing around. yvonne's frens are really high and wild. andrew had low blood sugar and actually going to faint ytd in the club. he scared the freak outta me and lyn. luckily there is a kind couple who helped him. you know, andrew is of big build, so the man actually brought him to the toilet and he almost fainted there too. the man was really good. he made andrew sat outside the gents and hahaha, many tipsy guys actually almost tripped and fell. LOL. the lady went to get plain water for him. he felt better. but he still couldnt really walk properly. he really scared the kell outta me and lyn LOL. next down is yvonne, her sister was going home and wanted her to go home as well. so lyn's cousins went home and lyn and i re-enter. mambo jumbo first the phuture.

until, the music suddenly stopped and guess wat, police raid. right at 2am. so turn off. everyone was talking about getting refund and complaining luh. wtf. like they will -.- me and lyn squeezed al the way out to phuture's entrance and there were policemen taking counts. they were actually counting the number of people in the club. make sure that its not over-populated. then me and lyn went out to the amin entrance and waited for like near to 20 mins. the security guard = a lady, was damn fierce. more fierce than the male bouncers. respect! lyn told her that she just wanna take her bag and leave, then she allowed. but made sure she didnt go back in. LOL. after that we went to cab home. almost 20 bucks with midnight charges. never mind, it's worthwhile, at least we enjoyed it.

something about ytd, madeline and company wanted to go zouk, but the queue was too long, they couldnt get in. khay mar dun have the feel to club, so she didnt come. and ivan and com actually wanted to club at zouk too. but i didnt get to see them. they might not even get in. and i saw my SHUAI GE!!! omg!! i saw him outside zouk. why didnt i see you inside?! LOL. but he's with a girl. wtf. he attached? i oso dunno. but he's so cute!!! omg!! he looked at me, i dunno if he recognised me or wat. best if it's the latter. WOOOOHOOOOO!

you were once the topic of my blog. right now, i got nothing to say about you. why..?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

EVERYTHING IS OVER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you everyone who has somehow or other helped me along this way. really thanks alot!! love you all(:

arent you happy? hahaha. i dun care actually, as long as i'm happy. LOL.

actually not everything la. hahaha. MOST of it is over. yeah!!!!!

alright i wanna enjoy life now la. i need to
- STUDY
- watch alvin nad the chipmunks
- go suntanning
- go swimming
- go shopping
- let my hair grow longer
- spend more time with my frens, classmates and my family
- settle everything linked with sb club
- learn dancing at old school
- have a new handphone
- go clubbing
- go pubbing
- etc etc etc.
there are hella of stuff for me to do but i cant mention them all out at this moment.. LOL

ive think thru, i have to give up those things that are of low priority in my life. cus i have no time, no money. LOL.

sorry, i just dont love you no more. i shall move on with my life.
i need to give you up. you are obstructing my way. somehow, you dun deserve so much from me too. so sorry, byebyelove. for good.

the other time i went to master khor, a palmist and an astronomist, for some palm reading. hahhaa. it was hella of fun. somehow i can say that he's quite accurate. but later on cecilia and i realised that he told us almost the same thing, we shared the same life or wat? LOL. here's wat he said:
- i am stubborn (ticked)
- i am a perfectionist (ticked)
- i'll be a millionaire (?)
- my hubby will be rich (?)
- my hubby will be a foreigner, a foreign country borned person, a person who travels alot (?)
- i am sexy (ticked - LOL)
- i am like likely to give birth, but i dun like cus i'm a problematic child myself (LOL)
- my judgement on guys is zero or close to zero (really that bad?!)
- my guy will be very different from me (?)
- either he controls me or the other way round (duh)
- i'm going to travel alot (?)
- my boss has to be a guy, if not, she will hate me (?)
- my life is messy (?)
- i'm going to marry at 27 (?)
- i have to take care of my respiratory and digestive system (ticked)
- people in my life who will helped me thru, are guys (?)
- my lucky colour is turqoise (pisces' colour)
- i dun fall in love easily (ticked)
- but once i fall in love with him, i'll go all out for the guy i love (ticked?)
- i will not take the initiative in love even thou i loved him (ticked)
- bla bla bla .. still got alot. you have to probe me for me to tell you more. LOL

i know i have a lot to write. but i cant rmb wat i wanna write. LOL

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

it's going to be a uber emotional roller coaster for me this week. everyday i'm flooding myself with worries for CB. dunno when's the unfortunate thing that will happen. living days this week is like years. struggling somehow. mood from yesterday til today's morning was all along ... -.- i pity my frens and sbclubbers, they have to see my black face and receive my sucky replies from whatever they say. i know it's bad. but all i can say is that i've tried my best to hide how i feel. normally, when i'm this stressed up, by this time, i'll be screaming and yelling everywhere, attitude-ing every single one who looks at me and all. i've already tamed down alot as compared to last time. i dunno why i'm this stressed up while others can just like this. the prob lies with me myself. i've been thinking far too much. expecting every single bad thing to happen. i rather be like this, i never had high expectations for cb. i know it will suck somehow. i'm not expecting anything more than peace. i'm learning to let go, being to tense up is never good. yes, i not been letting things of my wrist. i try to squeeze my wrist to th max. i need to let go my fingers and little. not to let so much little things affect my life. to be frank, sb is not my life. i dun owe anyone a living. i need to control my life, its totally outta control now. i really have multiple personalities, many peishans. sorry to frens ard me, have to tolerate me. that's because i dunno who i am really. so i cant display my real me..

lesson learnt:
learn to let go..

Monday, December 10, 2007

sucks.
fuck.
broken down.

unexpected things poped poped poped out just like popcorn.
and they are not tasty. at all.

TOO MUCH THINGS TO TALKED ABOUT. UNPLEASANT ONES. and i dun wanna looked back my archives and realised how useless i am now.

why cant i just live simply. why am i still here, wasting my time, affecting my studies.
somedays i just wanna be normal abit. i wanna live the life i had last time. i missed those days. being so carefree and free. doing things i like to do anytime, anywhere.

so much so for doing so much. and things just dun fall into place. all i can say is that i am unlucky enough thou. i found myself useless, stucked and wasting the earth's resources. somehow i feel that all the blame is on me. i would just pull off everything. if i dun exist, it will not turn out this way. it'll be better off without me. actually i feel like giing up everything and start afresh everything the next day. i will definitely feel better that way. but i just cant do that, cuz i care about wat other ppl said. alot. i will affect me alot. and it'll be breaching of my life principle. i tell myself, i'll breach it if i really cant take it. durians are thorny outside, but inside, it's still soft. seriously. i'm speaking the fact now. prolly leaving at this point of time, will make everything better. if it's the way, please tell me, i dun wanna waste both parties' time.

i really wanna go back to my old life. no life as it can be, at least i will feel more comfortable, and happier. i just wanna lead a simple life? like REAL SOON?

why do i wanna engage myself in stuff that wasted my precious time? i would live my normal life and be the peishan i used to be last time without all these. i always want to quit, but if it's not for some stuff, i just will not even step in into this deep shit if mine. and yes, i've changed. i'm not the peishan that i know i used to be. and i cant rewind it now. i tried too. but prolly, i have to let go off some stuff before some other stuff can happen. i suck. my attitude sucks. my temper sucks too. my critical thinking sucks. i just suck. fuck. i need to go. real soon. no matter how elastic a rubber band can be, it will still snap when it reaches a limit. alright, i know i am not capable. but everyone has to learn this process right. well, i dun wanna talk here all about how i feel, it'll just never end. yes, i did learn alot of things and had memorable memories. but all these.. will be gone someday. i dun want to let go of it, but in life, it's just this way. if you dun allow space, how can you allow more space to come in?

ok. i dunno wtf i am talking and thinking about, now. it's just random tots. whatever i wanna say, i just typed it out. so its ok if you all dun understand you all dun bother too. it dosent matter then. at least i wrote it out.

ANYWAY, SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED BY MY SUCKY ATTITUDE AND MY BLOODY TEMPER.

please let me survive these disgusting days..
SURVIVE is a very big word in this case..