i need..
a strong and reliable shoulder to cry on..
a warm and tight hug to feel secure..
a someone to be there to listen to my childish problems..
everything is so fked up in my life.
tell me, what is wrong?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
sch's started for 2 weeks. and i really can feel the stress. EVERYONE, EVERY ONE, EVERY SINGLE ONE of my classmate is working hard now. it's just the second week and everyone has started revising. i guess my goal to be hardworking this year is nothing to them. it's not a goal for them. cus they are alre hardworking. i feel very stressful. i am not clever. nor am i hardworking. which is something really bad. i am very lazy. i'm doom this year. the modules are VERY VERY VERY difficult. till i point that i think i cant make it.
Business Development
Ms AL
BD is a year long module. Ms AL is a very patient and nice lady. a lady that i somehow respect. she is from malaysia (doesnt know english), she studied malay as an A level subject, scored well in As and studied in uni (i think overseas), and her english now is of eccent and is very pleasant to hear. she oso had business experiences online and in fnb industry. remarkable, respectable and inspiring right? the group is a mixture of three diploma courses. my BD grp is with shyanne (DBA Marketing), khaymar (DBF Banking), wenxi and michelle (both DBA Human Resource). i dunno who michelle and wenxi are before this. but luckily we can somehow clique. anw ms al says that we may be best frens after this module. as we will go thru lotsa ups and downs tgt. we are supposed to come out with a business idea and come out with all the business plans for it. markketing plans, financial plans and human resource plans. that's why we need a mixture. i really hope that we can do well for this module. i dun want to forward this module. 8 credits.. truely a very stressful module. most stressful from what i know from seniors.
Investment
Mr KTKK - Lecture & Tutorial
KTKK is funny. he looks like a cartoon character. but i dunno which is the one. i heard from my some people that he's kinda pervert. he's very into his subjects during lectures. he loves watching videos i guess. investment is kinda vague now. but its getting more difficult. im kinda lost now. is it too early to be lost? yes it definitely is. impt subject. 4 credits.
Corporate Finance
Mrs LGL - Lecture & Toturial
we are so gonna see her so often this year. bored. CF impt subject, 4 credits too. seriously, im not trying to blame her or wat. but i really cannot understand wat she's talking abt. sometimes she'll be unsure of wat she is saying. her lessons are bored. i cant help myself but to doze off. i dun want to. somemore it's a continuous 2-hr lecture. she's very rigid. just follow law. but she's very patient. we are always noisy in her lessons. all she will say is 'less noise please'
Banking Law
Mrs PT - Lecture & Tutorial
my LO for my internship. she's strict and fun at the same time. she teaches very well. just like mr DS. they both can capture our attention somehow. they got this 'charm' and we listened to their lessons, not feeling sleepy at all. 4 credit units. impt subject.
CRAA II
Mr DT - Lecture
Mrs LGL - Tutorial
Goal Setting and Decision Making
Ms LYL
second turn-off class of every friday. this is my gems, 2 credits. i'm all alone in this gems. it's the first time i'm all alone for gems lesson. it's also the first tiem that i'm so quiet in class. people there are in cliques, big and small. and they're enjoying themselves as tehy are involving in the class. for me, i cant be noisy / participating if im all alone. all i do is to sit there, and keep my mouth shut for next two hours. im always yearning for the lesson to end earlier so i can meet my frens and talk! im a sanguine! that's sth i've learnt today. wat's more, the people there are mostly yr 2s and 1s, i guess, cus i think i'm older there since im also not making lotsa noise like a childish kid. the cliques themselves are funny. i luffed at their jokes and all. but its just all purely luffing over it. i heard that it's easy to score and there's no teamwork. good since im alone. so i hope i can score well. and not waste my two hrs there every week.
Business Development
Ms AL
BD is a year long module. Ms AL is a very patient and nice lady. a lady that i somehow respect. she is from malaysia (doesnt know english), she studied malay as an A level subject, scored well in As and studied in uni (i think overseas), and her english now is of eccent and is very pleasant to hear. she oso had business experiences online and in fnb industry. remarkable, respectable and inspiring right? the group is a mixture of three diploma courses. my BD grp is with shyanne (DBA Marketing), khaymar (DBF Banking), wenxi and michelle (both DBA Human Resource). i dunno who michelle and wenxi are before this. but luckily we can somehow clique. anw ms al says that we may be best frens after this module. as we will go thru lotsa ups and downs tgt. we are supposed to come out with a business idea and come out with all the business plans for it. markketing plans, financial plans and human resource plans. that's why we need a mixture. i really hope that we can do well for this module. i dun want to forward this module. 8 credits.. truely a very stressful module. most stressful from what i know from seniors.
Investment
Mr KTKK - Lecture & Tutorial
KTKK is funny. he looks like a cartoon character. but i dunno which is the one. i heard from my some people that he's kinda pervert. he's very into his subjects during lectures. he loves watching videos i guess. investment is kinda vague now. but its getting more difficult. im kinda lost now. is it too early to be lost? yes it definitely is. impt subject. 4 credits.
Corporate Finance
Mrs LGL - Lecture & Toturial
we are so gonna see her so often this year. bored. CF impt subject, 4 credits too. seriously, im not trying to blame her or wat. but i really cannot understand wat she's talking abt. sometimes she'll be unsure of wat she is saying. her lessons are bored. i cant help myself but to doze off. i dun want to. somemore it's a continuous 2-hr lecture. she's very rigid. just follow law. but she's very patient. we are always noisy in her lessons. all she will say is 'less noise please'
Banking Law
Mrs PT - Lecture & Tutorial
my LO for my internship. she's strict and fun at the same time. she teaches very well. just like mr DS. they both can capture our attention somehow. they got this 'charm' and we listened to their lessons, not feeling sleepy at all. 4 credit units. impt subject.
CRAA II
Mr DT - Lecture
Mrs LGL - Tutorial
i cant say DT is the best as he might be overly proud of himself if he happens to see this. fun, humourous, flexible, young, understand what we are thinking etc. one of the best parts: no need to do tutorials. he somehow possess that 'charm' to attract our attention in his lecture. last sem he took our class for tutorial and lecture. at least i can relate lectures to tutorials. as he'll always refer us back into the lecture scenario like what he'd said bla bla. 4 credits - impt.
LGL's tutorial is totally not-understandable. how do i put it? she speaks very unorganise-ly. and can jump here and there as she likes. and she speaks slowly. i really wanna fall asleep. she somehow dun have the 'power' so i dun do her tutorials. not entirely her bad. blame myself for not being disciplined too.
DT mentioned during lecture that WMS or himself will be taking us for an impt module - International Trade Finance. i really, really, really, sincerely, hope that WMS will NOT teach us. i dunno why, i just think that she's got sth against me. when i finished studying her module in year 2 sem 1, i was so relieved. i dun have to see her face anymore. but yet. the news spoiled everything. uncle tan. please teach us. if you're not, then some other lecturer teach us instead of her please. she's not as simple as she sounded to be. there are too much to say. just pray that she will not teach me, if not i will really not do well. i know it, cus i think i will not do well if i dun like the lecturer even thou i tried to study that module. and it's proven in CRM taught by WMS.
Communication Skills for Business
Mdm N
Goal Setting and Decision Making
Ms LYL
second turn-off class of every friday. this is my gems, 2 credits. i'm all alone in this gems. it's the first time i'm all alone for gems lesson. it's also the first tiem that i'm so quiet in class. people there are in cliques, big and small. and they're enjoying themselves as tehy are involving in the class. for me, i cant be noisy / participating if im all alone. all i do is to sit there, and keep my mouth shut for next two hours. im always yearning for the lesson to end earlier so i can meet my frens and talk! im a sanguine! that's sth i've learnt today. wat's more, the people there are mostly yr 2s and 1s, i guess, cus i think i'm older there since im also not making lotsa noise like a childish kid. the cliques themselves are funny. i luffed at their jokes and all. but its just all purely luffing over it. i heard that it's easy to score and there's no teamwork. good since im alone. so i hope i can score well. and not waste my two hrs there every week.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
okokok. it's 2.20am now. and i just wanna begin updating my blog. dunno wat time i'll sleep tonight.
ok. lets start from the beginning.
6th april 2008
went to tanjung beach at sentosa with my bro, my bro's gf (carina), my bro's frens (xiaogui and janice), john, coco, lyn and min. woke up waaaay earlier than normal weekends that i would sleep till 3pm during itp. bro, coco and i went to fetch carina first. after that, went to a garage at alexandra, meeting xiaogui, janice and john. btw, coco is my dearest puppy, a brown cocker spaniel (female) in case some ppl still dunno. and john is a golden retreiver (male) with skin problem owned by xiaogui and janice. and obviously john is very interested in coco. he was super duper horny that day. even at tanjung beach. anw, had breakfast at alexandra and went to buy few bottles of water and tidbits for the day at petrol station. and that explains why we were late.
had fun at the beach till ard 4pm before we head to a pets cafe at balestier. it's like a care centre for dogs. coco and john enjoyed their geman shepard mutton pies. there are alot of diff dogs there. golden retriever, westie, schnauzer etc. some of which their owners cant handle them and hope that the fierce shop owner there would discipline them.
after that, went to geylang. a place for john to have his traditional chinese medical skin treatment there. yes, dogs have TCM too. before heading to have our dinner at bukit batok near simin's hs/bbdc, my bro brought us to geylang. as in the geylang with red lanterns hanging. it was really an eye opener. saw lots of foreign workers from bangaladesh and china in the lorongs. bangaladesh men and china women as well as men. there were alot of things that i had nv seen before and that's basically the reason why my bro brought us there. i saw social escorts, transexuals, ktv lounges with wrong spelling on the LED signboards by the streets, guitarists in kopitiam, i-think-its-illegal gambling dens, i-think-its-pirated dvds 'pushcarts', selling of cigrattes at the roadside and lotsa jaywalking.
* im not criticizing or anything like that, im just stating the truth here. please do not get me wrong.
coco is very sociable.
11th april 2008
its the last day of the 2 months itp at retention admin, citibank, millenia tower.
during this 2 months, i've learn alot of things. thanks to all the colleagues that had helped me along the way. i'd made mistakes and thanks for forgiving me. people there are young, nice, funny, friendly, helpful, considerate, noisy and fun loving. they actually know my birthday, even the management has written a card for me. thanks for giving me birthday presents too. the fact that i was leaving had made my tears rolled down on cheeks like running water tap. they gave me all their best wishes, hugs, presents and a farewell treat. except the part that i was attached to this dept with another intern, i really enjoyed the attachment.
I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
i dun care if you'll get to see my blog. i dun care whether you've realised that i doesnt like you. i really couldnt take it. i have to puke everything out after so many weeks of torture. i didnt realise you are that sucky only after three days of itp. abit too late.
everyday, EVERY DAY, i had to put up with your nonsense, unreasonableness and shit. my principle of life is that: if i dun like you, i dun care bout you, unless you come and bullshit with me. you bullshited with me during the two months, everyday, and i really had enough.
there were times that i cried because of you. my frens were shocked to see me crying over such trivial things cus i dun usually cry in front of them. i was shocked too. they tot you dun deserve my tears. i tot so too. i couldnt help but to blame myself for being so unlucky to be in the same dept as you. cus i dun wanna make things nasty till the extent that it'll affect my grade.
ladies and gentlemen, these are just SOME of the things that he did that 9 weeks. you stole my credits. you snatched my work leaving me with nth to do that i appeared slacking in my supervisor and colleagues' eyes. you used the name of the supervisor and ordered me to do stuff for you so that you appeared good and efficient on front of her. in the first place, who are you to order me? you didnt even mention that i'd helped you with that. not that i want to get tell the whole world that i've helped you, but that was a graded internship, and you jolly well know that i really have nothing to do/write in the logbook, and you should at least appreciate/credit the help i'd given to you. you couldnt finish your stuff of the previous day and asked me to help. and you asked ard for new tasks to be given to you. werent you implying that you were efficient enough to finish your everyday workload that supervisor had given to you? and me? clearing up your leftovers. and nobody knew that. you renamed what i'd done to be your name. you think that's moral? sorry, i cant accept that.you can be cute and likeable in your own ways by hugging other's plush toy whole day like it's yours, trying to come out with your own chinese name yourself, singing outdated chinese songs aloud in the office, hopping ard, talking to yourself, acting cute even when saying goodbye to everyone in the office beofore leaving, cracking really cold jokes, taking others tidbits, sweets without permission ETC... probably no one says that, but it is really disgusting to me. i said that to you straight into your face before, you thought i was joking. no, i was not. you stayed back late even though you have nth to do, didnt that make me look as if i have nothing to do, and would looooove to leave that office asap? the fact is that it was alre 6+pm and i was meeting my fren. you already took my papers before you asked whether you could. what's the point of asking me when you had already taken them? not only that, you started drawing in it without my permission, and hey, i haven read them. you treated me as transparent and start using your butt to push my bag away on the table so that you could sit there and talk to my colleague. you didnt bother to ask whether i could take my bag away. dont you know that rolling chairs are for rolling and sitting? and that's my table, my bag. it's basic couteousy you at least ask. or at least use ur empty hands to shift my bag. dun you know that hands are better alternative than butt? after pushing your way thru my table, you took my baby eeyore without my permission as if its yours. i just feel that my baby eeyore was dirtied. and ppl, please do not think that i didnt reply him in those ways. i'd tried 101 ways. he's just too into himself that he doesnt realise how i disliked him with obvious attitude problem when i talked to him. at his seat, i had to be a nice person to him. why? cus he's sitting right in front of my supervisior. because we had lunch tgt with other interns since the first day of itp, and that the rest only contacted me, i had to ask him whether he was ready to go for lunch. not only that, because he also stays in boon lay, during the first three days of itp, on courteousy, i went to ask him if he wants to go home tgt. and my supervisor knew that. blame me for being too nice. so i had to ask him these two questions everyday. which i really dun wish to ask. i really really really dun want to see him. it disgusted me everyday i see him. i really feel disgusted. especially everytime he talks. fcuk.
you might think that i was wearing a mask, which is not right too, but if you were in my shoes, you ought to react the same as me. act nice in front of supervisor and when he's alone, i totally attitude him. that was graded, i did not want my grade to be affected by him just because i attitude him. cus i know that when i really dislike someone, i can make things really nasty for him. i think if i didnt wear a mask, i think the whole office will know that i dun like him. and that might affect mygrades. actually, some of my colleagues already felt the tension between me and him from the way i talked to him. they asked and i said yes i dislike him. i didnt want to make things difficult for myself too so i just tolerated. now that it's all over, i saw him, i didnt talk to him or even smile at him when he smiled at me. i dun wanna remind myself the painful experience. and i think that he doesnt even deserve my glance. enough of SOME of the shit. it'll be dawn if i continue to blog bout him.
some pictures from itp:
from my seat, the spore flyer
my baby eeyore. my colleague (guy) couldnt stand the cuteness and bought one himself
my daisies
the latest adidas hairstyle
last evening
rain; i've known her for only 7 weeks, but we cliqued very well.
ok. lets start from the beginning.
6th april 2008
went to tanjung beach at sentosa with my bro, my bro's gf (carina), my bro's frens (xiaogui and janice), john, coco, lyn and min. woke up waaaay earlier than normal weekends that i would sleep till 3pm during itp. bro, coco and i went to fetch carina first. after that, went to a garage at alexandra, meeting xiaogui, janice and john. btw, coco is my dearest puppy, a brown cocker spaniel (female) in case some ppl still dunno. and john is a golden retreiver (male) with skin problem owned by xiaogui and janice. and obviously john is very interested in coco. he was super duper horny that day. even at tanjung beach. anw, had breakfast at alexandra and went to buy few bottles of water and tidbits for the day at petrol station. and that explains why we were late.
had fun at the beach till ard 4pm before we head to a pets cafe at balestier. it's like a care centre for dogs. coco and john enjoyed their geman shepard mutton pies. there are alot of diff dogs there. golden retriever, westie, schnauzer etc. some of which their owners cant handle them and hope that the fierce shop owner there would discipline them.
after that, went to geylang. a place for john to have his traditional chinese medical skin treatment there. yes, dogs have TCM too. before heading to have our dinner at bukit batok near simin's hs/bbdc, my bro brought us to geylang. as in the geylang with red lanterns hanging. it was really an eye opener. saw lots of foreign workers from bangaladesh and china in the lorongs. bangaladesh men and china women as well as men. there were alot of things that i had nv seen before and that's basically the reason why my bro brought us there. i saw social escorts, transexuals, ktv lounges with wrong spelling on the LED signboards by the streets, guitarists in kopitiam, i-think-its-illegal gambling dens, i-think-its-pirated dvds 'pushcarts', selling of cigrattes at the roadside and lotsa jaywalking.
* im not criticizing or anything like that, im just stating the truth here. please do not get me wrong.
coco is very sociable.11th april 2008
its the last day of the 2 months itp at retention admin, citibank, millenia tower.
during this 2 months, i've learn alot of things. thanks to all the colleagues that had helped me along the way. i'd made mistakes and thanks for forgiving me. people there are young, nice, funny, friendly, helpful, considerate, noisy and fun loving. they actually know my birthday, even the management has written a card for me. thanks for giving me birthday presents too. the fact that i was leaving had made my tears rolled down on cheeks like running water tap. they gave me all their best wishes, hugs, presents and a farewell treat. except the part that i was attached to this dept with another intern, i really enjoyed the attachment.
I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
i dun care if you'll get to see my blog. i dun care whether you've realised that i doesnt like you. i really couldnt take it. i have to puke everything out after so many weeks of torture. i didnt realise you are that sucky only after three days of itp. abit too late.
everyday, EVERY DAY, i had to put up with your nonsense, unreasonableness and shit. my principle of life is that: if i dun like you, i dun care bout you, unless you come and bullshit with me. you bullshited with me during the two months, everyday, and i really had enough.
there were times that i cried because of you. my frens were shocked to see me crying over such trivial things cus i dun usually cry in front of them. i was shocked too. they tot you dun deserve my tears. i tot so too. i couldnt help but to blame myself for being so unlucky to be in the same dept as you. cus i dun wanna make things nasty till the extent that it'll affect my grade.
ladies and gentlemen, these are just SOME of the things that he did that 9 weeks. you stole my credits. you snatched my work leaving me with nth to do that i appeared slacking in my supervisor and colleagues' eyes. you used the name of the supervisor and ordered me to do stuff for you so that you appeared good and efficient on front of her. in the first place, who are you to order me? you didnt even mention that i'd helped you with that. not that i want to get tell the whole world that i've helped you, but that was a graded internship, and you jolly well know that i really have nothing to do/write in the logbook, and you should at least appreciate/credit the help i'd given to you. you couldnt finish your stuff of the previous day and asked me to help. and you asked ard for new tasks to be given to you. werent you implying that you were efficient enough to finish your everyday workload that supervisor had given to you? and me? clearing up your leftovers. and nobody knew that. you renamed what i'd done to be your name. you think that's moral? sorry, i cant accept that.you can be cute and likeable in your own ways by hugging other's plush toy whole day like it's yours, trying to come out with your own chinese name yourself, singing outdated chinese songs aloud in the office, hopping ard, talking to yourself, acting cute even when saying goodbye to everyone in the office beofore leaving, cracking really cold jokes, taking others tidbits, sweets without permission ETC... probably no one says that, but it is really disgusting to me. i said that to you straight into your face before, you thought i was joking. no, i was not. you stayed back late even though you have nth to do, didnt that make me look as if i have nothing to do, and would looooove to leave that office asap? the fact is that it was alre 6+pm and i was meeting my fren. you already took my papers before you asked whether you could. what's the point of asking me when you had already taken them? not only that, you started drawing in it without my permission, and hey, i haven read them. you treated me as transparent and start using your butt to push my bag away on the table so that you could sit there and talk to my colleague. you didnt bother to ask whether i could take my bag away. dont you know that rolling chairs are for rolling and sitting? and that's my table, my bag. it's basic couteousy you at least ask. or at least use ur empty hands to shift my bag. dun you know that hands are better alternative than butt? after pushing your way thru my table, you took my baby eeyore without my permission as if its yours. i just feel that my baby eeyore was dirtied. and ppl, please do not think that i didnt reply him in those ways. i'd tried 101 ways. he's just too into himself that he doesnt realise how i disliked him with obvious attitude problem when i talked to him. at his seat, i had to be a nice person to him. why? cus he's sitting right in front of my supervisior. because we had lunch tgt with other interns since the first day of itp, and that the rest only contacted me, i had to ask him whether he was ready to go for lunch. not only that, because he also stays in boon lay, during the first three days of itp, on courteousy, i went to ask him if he wants to go home tgt. and my supervisor knew that. blame me for being too nice. so i had to ask him these two questions everyday. which i really dun wish to ask. i really really really dun want to see him. it disgusted me everyday i see him. i really feel disgusted. especially everytime he talks. fcuk.
you might think that i was wearing a mask, which is not right too, but if you were in my shoes, you ought to react the same as me. act nice in front of supervisor and when he's alone, i totally attitude him. that was graded, i did not want my grade to be affected by him just because i attitude him. cus i know that when i really dislike someone, i can make things really nasty for him. i think if i didnt wear a mask, i think the whole office will know that i dun like him. and that might affect mygrades. actually, some of my colleagues already felt the tension between me and him from the way i talked to him. they asked and i said yes i dislike him. i didnt want to make things difficult for myself too so i just tolerated. now that it's all over, i saw him, i didnt talk to him or even smile at him when he smiled at me. i dun wanna remind myself the painful experience. and i think that he doesnt even deserve my glance. enough of SOME of the shit. it'll be dawn if i continue to blog bout him.
some pictures from itp:
from my seat, the spore flyer
my baby eeyore. my colleague (guy) couldnt stand the cuteness and bought one himself
my daisies
the latest adidas hairstyle
last evening
rain; i've known her for only 7 weeks, but we cliqued very well. 
from left to right: ken (jay chou, L, closure letters), alicia (radio provider, neighbour, saviour for MIS), me, valerie (one-down, teacher, fellow eeyore-r), janice (fellow show's wife, cute voice, magazine provider), peisi (supervisor, teacher, lao da, fellow eeyore-r), rachael (saviour for printer, earliest, corrector for MIS)
they're really nice people.
valerie with janice's piglet and me with the eeyore they gave me as farewell gift
baby eeyore back to home
met up with lyn and min after the last day of itp. they gave me a stalk of pink rose. thanks! i dunno since when i'm in love with flowers. hmm. had crystal jade in suntec.
reading the messages that colleagues have left for me.
12th - 13th of april
went to stay over at lyn's place. talked about life, played games and surfed internet. slept really early. ard 6am. next morning woke up at 10plus. helped me dyed my hair but unfortunately, it wasnt a success. 
lyn the shampoo girl
so went to fep for shopping and dyed my hair there. at least its better now. had a haircut. yes, my hair is like this now. and i still dun dare to let down my fringe like this in sch. cus i think i look retard. wait till it grows abit longer below my brows. after dying hair, we went to xin wang hong kong cafe at cineleisure that xinyi introduced to me. it's a great hangout place for friends. 24hrs for fri, sat and sun.
yes, i know i looked spastic
i love this pic. same pose as min without plan.
in fep's toilet
16th april 2008
met up with the girls at westmall as i was there before them and min lives near there. it's not a good hangout place. nth there. jp is so much better. had sakae and went to coffeebean.
this is where embarrassment happens. lyn was trying to take a pic of us in the reflection. these two guys were wuite good looking. so lyn was jokingly saying to min 'one for you, one for me' then i interrupted 'ehem' since im the only single one. lyn said 'give you la give you la' and i posed stupidly in front of the mirror for a shot and the guy on the right turned and looked at us.
and we couldnt stop luffing.. LOL
there's a reason why im single. i shud stop doing these.
i clipped up my fringe liket his when i go to sch. that's why there's no coconut fringe! but i still look ugly either ways ):
doesnt matter.
i should realy really stop. really. stop me if i make such faces next time. for the sake of my future. i do not want to stay single for life. thanks.
i told you all im not dao already. 
ended, like finally.
when i have the time tmr, i shall blog about sch. it's already 5am now O.O
now i really know why my eye bags and dark eye rings are so serious.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
ive been leaving my blog up the shelf for spider webs. i bet you are sick and tired of the pictures of the flyer.
i have alot of things to do but i just dun have the time. or say. i dunno how to manage my time. i know i will have to learn it.
i'll update in the coming weekend.
sneak preview:
- itp has ended
- sch has started
- people are different
- meet ups with loves
- shopping shopping and dropping
- emotions escalates
messy
i have alot of things to do but i just dun have the time. or say. i dunno how to manage my time. i know i will have to learn it.
i'll update in the coming weekend.
sneak preview:
- itp has ended
- sch has started
- people are different
- meet ups with loves
- shopping shopping and dropping
- emotions escalates
messy
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